Jan 6, 2014

A Case of the Monday's . . . Steph's Story Part I

So do you have any snow outside? Chances are you do, because 1 - not very many people read this blog, and 2 - two thirds of the country is experiencing this "arctic blast." Here in central Ohio, however, we do NOT have snow, and I'm not very happy about it.

I LOVE snow - the more the better. And if it's going to be cold out, I want to look out at the gorgeous snow, while I snuggle with my pup and kitties by the fire. But that isn't happening here. We have the super cold, and barely a dusting of snow. I'm so jealous of my parents - a mere two and half hours north and they have about a foot. They issued a level III snow emergency, and my brother busted out the snowmobiles. And I don't even have a reason to wear my snow boots!

View out of my office window - NO snow. 

OK enough of my whining . . . 2014 is all about ME. This will be my first entire year spent in my 30s, and I've decided to make it MY year. There are a lot of little changes I need to make, and a few big ones. Thinking back upon my college years, I NEVER thought I would be where I'm at today. I am doing much better career wise, but as far as my personal life and happiness - I'm not where I should be. And it really makes me sad to think of my 23 year-old self looking at myself today, because I know she would be disappointed. 

So over the next few days, I'm going to tell all of you my plan for 2014 and the reason for the changes. (I know, because you all care so much). 

Today starts with where I was mentally last year. I have generalized anxiety disorder. Pretty much anything out of the ordinary freaks me out. I was diagnosed my sophomore year of college, when I wouldn't leave my sorority house to go to dinner with the girls, let alone walk to class or socialize in any other way.

And up until last year, I just saw my family doctor and got some medicine that make me kind of function normally. And then in the fall of 2012 things got bad again - REAL bad. (Later I would come to find out that for whatever reason, between ages 29-32 the brain goes through lots of changes chemically, and it's not abnormal to have to change medications). I had an absolute meltdown around Thanksgiving and found myself hunting the central Ohio area for a psychiatrist. I first went and saw him in January of 2013, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. 

That laid the groundwork for the new me. I had to mentally get in a place where I could go out to dinner with friends, and watch a movie in the movie theater before I was going to change anything else about myself. This took some time - I would say I was 75% better by this past summer, but not 100% ready to tackle anything. We have been playing around with doses and different medication (trust me, I don't like it, and wouldn't be doing it if I didn't have to. One day I will try and function without medicine, but at this time in my life, it isn't an option.) Now I believe I'm at about 95% and ready for some changes.

Mentally, I'm OK and I'm not so afraid of everything (most of the time). So, tomorrow I will write about what I intend to change, and how I intend to change it. Hopefully you will continue to read about my story!

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