30 Years Old

I don't know why 30 is bothering me so much, but it is.

As I write this, it's only 9:59PM on August 4th, and I'm not 30 yet. . . . I wasn't born until 11:04 at night. So I've still got an hour, and for whatever reason, it means a lot to me. 

I feel like at 30 years old I should be a lot further than where I am right now. Don't get me wrong - I have a fantastic life, and I'm doing very well. It's just not where I thought I would be.

I never wanted children, and I still don't, so I'm not sitting here thinking my child bearing years are passing me by. But I am sitting here thinking I'm missing out on something because I don't have anyone to spend my life with. I don't have that person who means everything to me. That person who understands, and experiences everything with me. 

And honestly, I'm not where I thought I would be with my career. Where did I think I would be? I have absolutely no idea. But I do know I never thought I would be where I am. And again, where I am isn't a bad place, it's just not where I thought I would be. 

I guess the real issue is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. And maybe (most definitely)  I'm disappointed in myself for not knowing the answers. And I'm disappointed in myself for not going for what I WANT and instead taking the safe way out.

And since this is in NO way the safe way out, I'm spilling my guts and getting it out there. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up and I'm 30 I will have more answers.