Aug 4, 2013

30 Years Old

I don't know why 30 is bothering me so much, but it is.

As I write this, it's only 9:59PM on August 4th, and I'm not 30 yet. . . . I wasn't born until 11:04 at night. So I've still got an hour, and for whatever reason, it means a lot to me. 

I feel like at 30 years old I should be a lot further than where I am right now. Don't get me wrong - I have a fantastic life, and I'm doing very well. It's just not where I thought I would be.

I never wanted children, and I still don't, so I'm not sitting here thinking my child bearing years are passing me by. But I am sitting here thinking I'm missing out on something because I don't have anyone to spend my life with. I don't have that person who means everything to me. That person who understands, and experiences everything with me. 

And honestly, I'm not where I thought I would be with my career. Where did I think I would be? I have absolutely no idea. But I do know I never thought I would be where I am. And again, where I am isn't a bad place, it's just not where I thought I would be. 

I guess the real issue is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. And maybe (most definitely)  I'm disappointed in myself for not knowing the answers. And I'm disappointed in myself for not going for what I WANT and instead taking the safe way out.

And since this is in NO way the safe way out, I'm spilling my guts and getting it out there. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up and I'm 30 I will have more answers. 

Who Am I??

I can not believe it's been over 2 weeks since my last post. I knew it had been awhile, but I had no idea it was that long! Life has been crazy. My family has too many birthdays between July and August. . . . 

So, since I really haven't blogged much at all yet, I figured I might as well link up and tell the wonderful Internet about me. Because - why not?

So today is Part one of the linkup with Kimmyyyyy.


Lots of questions, but only 5 today. Keep coming back to find out more - I hope you are ready to find out a little bit about me!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
1. I am a Superman freak. HUGE fan since I've been about 10.
2. I was in a dog attack when I was 6. I couldn't even be around a dog on a leash without freaking out. Thankfully my parents decided to get us a puppy to help me with my fear, and now I am a dog lover.
3. I had a baby tooth until I was 24. And then I had to get braces to pull down my permanent tooth.
4. My childhood home was on a golf course. I have been golfing since I've been 6 and I'm not too bad. I just really don't enjoy it.
5. I don't like chocolate - I'll eat a few things covered in chocolate, but ask me to eat a bar of solid chocolate and I'm out.
6. I'm left handed. So are my brother and sister. Both of my parents are right handed.
7. I played water polo in college for Ohio State.
8. I would always rather go to a local hole in the wall bar.
9. I refuse to shop at Wal-Mart. Absolutely refuse.
10. Once I go to a restaurant and find something I like, I will order the same thing every. single. time. from there on out.
11. I will not eat bananas or mashed potatoes because of the consistency.
12. I would give my right arm to have a nice in ground pool in my backyard.

13. I have generalized panic disorder. Basically, I get anxiety attacks a lot :[
14. I could eat pizza every meal of every day.
15. I have never put a cigarette in my mouth.
16. Although you may think my favorite moves are Superman, they are actually the Back to the Future Trilogy
17. My brother is 12 years older than me. And he along with my sister-in-law gave me the coolest nephew and niece ever.
18. I HATE mowing the lawn, or doing any kind of yard work for that matter. But I'm also OCD and insist it look perfect.
19. My dream job is to write children's books.
20. I can't for the life of me go to bed if I have dirty feet. If I walk around barefoot for 2 mins, I have to wash my feet before crawling into bed. 

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
1. Throwing up. I don't know why but I have a serious fear of throwing up in a public place. I didn't have an unfortunate childhood experience, but for some reason I act like I did.
2. Flying in an airplane. Well, not really. I fear being locked in an airplane with lots of gross germy people. Give me and empty plane and I'm good to go. 
3. Waking up to find my dog dead next to me. Unfortunately I discovered my childhood dog laying dead on the floor one morning. Since my current dog sleeps in my bed, I have an extreme fear of waking up in the morning and touching him only to discover him cold and lifeless :( Yes, when I wake up in the middle of the night I make sure he is breathing. 

3. Describe your relationship with your spouse. 
I don't have a spouse, so I can't answer this one. Don't even have a boyfriend right now! I can only hope my relationship is loving and caring and open.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. 
1. You will finally get kissed. Don't worry about being the only one who hasn't been kissed yet - it's worth the wait.
2. You are SUPER skinny - please wear a bikini and stop wearing you swim team one piece!
3. Grow out your bangs.
4. Don't be so mean to your mom - she is an amazing person and an even better friend.
5. Become closer with your sister - you don't need to push her away now that you are in high school. She will ALWAYS be there for you.
6. DON'T STOP SWIMMING. Yeah you still have 2 years of high school left, and you will swim a little in college as you play water polo, but don't EVER stop. Swimming is your perfect therapy. 
7. Cherish your nephew's young years - he grows up way to quick!
8. NEVER stop being your own person.
9. Enjoy being 100% taken care of.  
10. Wear more sunblock! At almost 30 years old you will fear skin cancer because of all the time you spent in the sun unprotected. 

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
1. My mules (Stephanie speak for my pets - Cooper the Cocker, Kal-El the short hair cat, and Luthor the long hair cat).

2. My family.
3. Cool evenings that make sitting on the patio perfect.
4. My amazing co-workers.
5. An ice cold Bud Select.

Thanks for reading - make sure to link up with Kimmyyyyy and come back later for more about me!! (And I will try to have more pics next time)